OBERON LEAGUE (inc 1873)
Oberon League By the Numbers 2022
What a season we had, Congratulations to all who took part this year, and also to Hall of Famer Jargan for once again getting us all together, a task which has been likened to trying to organise public servants.
League Position 1300
Winner; The Gold
Runner up (Who can now take home the trophy); No Passengers
O League Cup Winner; JARGAN
Paddle; Crazy Joe Devola
Highest Ranking Player; The Gold
Lowest Ranking Player; Bromley Boys
Highest Score; BRAMZ United 2367 rnd 23
Lowest Score; Bromley Boys 1432 rnd 15
Final Standings Overall, (O League position in Brackets)
1 (3) The Gold 13,043 up 4,485 from 20212
2 (2) (Trad) No Passengers 15,450 down 1084 from 2021
3 (1) JARGAN 23,457 down 3,170 from 2021
4 (6) Done & Dustin 24,813 up 757 from 2021
5 (5) Black Hats 25,903 down 10,139 from 2021
6 (8) BRAMZ United 27,917 down 14,938 from 2021
7 (4) Boogie Wonderland 30,423 up 11,202 from 2021
8 (9) Usain Casbolt 33,641 up 708 from 2021
9 (7) Close Talker 36,152 down 3,278 from 2021
10 (11) B’s Boys 37,017 down 1,1079 from 2021
11 (13) Angry Penguin 37,136 down 33,300 from 2021
12 (10) Crazy Joe Devola 44,668 down 11794 from 2021
13 (14) Sydney or the bush 46,220 down 19540 from 2021
14 (12) One Team Wonders 50,115 down 3035 from 2021
15 (15) Amalfi Warrior 62,698 down 24563 from 2021
16 (16) Bromley Boys 67,183 down 15,555 from 2021
Lets celebrate also those coaches who improved on last year of which there were only four The Gold Done and Dustin Boogie Wonderland Usain Casbolt. The greatest fall of all was, not surprisingly, The Angry Penguin who dropped 33,300 places.Now I wonder how that could be.
FINALS SERIES 2022
PRELIMINARY FINAL WEEK
For all the finalist it’s important to remember the inspirational words from Patches himself ‘if your going to become a true champion of the O League you have to remember the 5 D’s Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge’…..Great words indeed! Particularly as we lost the Great Man last year ☹
Division 1 Preliminary Final
Patches O’Houlihan Trophy
And then there were 4. Yes, as much as this is an exciting time of the year, where supporter’s hopes soar higher than a Celine Dion ballad, there is also heartbreak as we say goodbye and farewell to 2 of our very best. What an exciting Semi Final week of matches with No Passengers and Boogie Wonderland progressing to the last 4 with nail bitting wins over the weekend. Unfortunately, with those great victories came heartbreak for the losers, we say farewell to former champion the Black Hats and the Close Talker with both clubs now facing long summers rebuilding for next year. Congratulations on outstanding years to both clubs and we look forward to seeing you back next season.
Good luck to all teams!
Preliminary Final One – The Gold v Boogie Wonderland. Both of these coaches have contrasting styles the Gold likes to coach while wearing his Premiership Medallions, think Mark Spitz with his 7 gold medals around his neck, although given the Gold is a bit older now, I think he could maybe coach in pants rather than speedos. Stay classy I say! While on the flip side Boogie Wonderland are coached with no respect for tradition, Jarryd will roll the dice on players at random and operates completely without a safety net with virtually no players on the bench, what other coach would have taken a punt on the Brayshaw brothers from the start of the year . He is a gun slinger in the mode of the Angry Penguin, only 700 points a game better! His 3 point win over the Black Hats last week was on the back of 2 late free kicks against Keys with 54 seconds to go. The Gold coaches from his secret HQ surrounded by TV monitors while stroking a white cat. A look at the finals record between these sides shows a 4-0 advantage to the Gold, some even going as far as to say Boogie Wonderland is the Golds ‘play thing’ or even a bit like Austin Powers (BW) playing Dr Evil (Gold) but whatever the comparisons, the computer is saying Boogie Wonderland by 50! and that’s a spiflication in anybody’s book. Let’s hope for the crowds’ sake we see a contest on the weekend particularly with the League announcing Jose Feliciano will perform the pre-game entertainment for a second straight year. Jose will then umpire the first half, I for one can’t wait for that! But unfortunately all the glitz and glamour in the world can’t hide the fact that this could get # ugly, the Gold by 50.
Preliminary Final 2 – No Passengers v Jargan. What a mouth-watering match up we have here with two foundation clubs going head to head. These are 2 of the most decorated coaches in O league history, premierships, HOF, 2500 Club. For Steve and No Passengers however we need to go back to the glory years of 2012-13 when it has to be said it was a simpler time. Back then the internet ran on dial up and Holden was the leading seller of cars. It’s also important to note that all premierships won in the pre Gold era has an asterisk against them now, a bit like the fast suit era in swimming. Steve has had a well-documented journey in the furnace like heat of the O League and a defeat will almost certainly all but sew up a 2rd Stour, although Bramz is certainly throwing his hat in the ring. On the flip side, is Jargan still as hungry as in past years, 2 consecutive premierships, the outstanding success of the Jargan Foundation and a nomination for Australian of the Year have perhaps taken the great coaches eye off the ball, I guess time will tell but it would be a brave opposition to underestimate the Wiley veteran. It’s worth remembering he did win this year’s Minor premiership, while Steve picked up a 5th most boring coach of the year award.
Steve will stick to his pre-game routine and belt out the 1980s, Journey, power ballad ‘Don’t stop believing’ (the Steve Perry version not the Arnel Pineda version) while driving to the ground in his Datsun 180b, but I’m not sure it will be enough against such an accomplished opponent? No Passengers by 2 with a controversial free for after the siren.
Junk Preliminary Finals 2022
In the spirit of former finalists ummm…..ahh…. Never mind no-one cares anyway we say welcome to ‘peoples day’ at the footy. That’s right it’s Preliminary Finals day 2022 and this week we are proud to be partnering with those brave men and women of Australia who suffer in silence and are discriminated against at BBQ’s, and Restaurants all over the country.That’s right It’s:
The Gastric Reflux.
Junk Preliminary Finals
Last week was surely the greatest round of semi final scoring in Junk Finals history. Last week the second, third, fourth and fifth highest scores in the league were in this division. Un-precedented, The only higher score was ‘Hall of Famer’R No Passengers. Talk about Bizaro World this was it.
In honour of those who have dropped away we have asked them to comment on their performance this year:
Angry Penguin ‘Just didn’t get the distance this year, Can’t say it was my fault, Won’t say it was my fault.’
Sydney or the Bush ‘Scored OK at times just beaten by a better coach on the weekend, good luck to her’
Amalfi Warrior ‘Saw this coming at around Week Two, We just missed the jump and couldn’t recover.’
Bromley Boys ‘ Captains Benny, Captains’
Some pearls of wisdom there.
This week, two games and dare I say the four best coaches of the lower division meet, on the penultimate game of the 2022 season. We wish them well because the losers will be forgotten about by the Wednesday
PRELIMINARY FINAL ONE
Usain Casbolt V B’s Boys
For those that have nothing to do on the weekend you can do worse than Luke V Bianca, I mean they will be up against the Commonwealth Games track and field events, or as we like to say, Green House V Red House on 7 mate to compete with. Anyway each to their own, As for me I am watching the replay of the Flaming Puck Unicycle Hockey final from 2016. Even though I know the result.
But because I am legally obligated to review this match I guess I will have to. Usain Casbolt who was once a fixture of Division One football finds himself dooking it out, kicking the dew off the grass, on the second last weekend in August, welcome to the minors mate. Looking at how Usain Casbolt made this final is interesting, three wins at the end of the season means he just failed to stay up by 0.03 percentage points from Bramz United, don’t you think there were members amongst us who would have paid to see the once perfect season coach BRAMZ United come down to our level. But not to be. All Luke needed was an extra 7 points. Think about that.
B’s Boys on the other hand, started the season like a rocket and spent most of 2022 in the top eight but like many of her gender found the going a bit tough when the weather turned, not her fault it’s just genetics. But boy she collected some scalps early. Given that West Coast had a season from hell she did better than she could expect.
This game. Bianca coming off a solid win over new Franchisee Sydney or the Bush whilst Luke having a rather underwhelming victory over One Team Wonders with a score of less than 1900 DT Points to earn a week off leaves us with a conundrum, was Usain Casbolt trying two weeks ago, or is he really out of form at the wrong time of the year? And was B’s Boys score in the high 2100 legit or might it have just been an outlier.
An observation is that Usain Casbolts centre line, although competent, is missing the superstars needed to score big numbers in August and he surely will have to go with Callum Mills again, either that or go with Max Gawn who is unlikely to score 150 two weeks in a row. I would hate to have to make that call. As the great Peter Landy was won’t to say 6 points each of two.
We think B’s Boys have an overall better side at this stage of the year and therefore are going to pick her to go through to the Grand Final by oh 6 or 7 points. Meaningless as it is.
PRELIMINARY FINAL TWO
Crazy Joe Devola V One Team Wonders “In a race to the bottom, some times it is better to be last….” Ben Button circa 2014
What about this game? It reminds me of a dream I once had where I was just one refresh away from playing in a major league grand final, I mean in the dream I was in front when the siren went and then two minutes later a player who was hardly mentioned in the game was credited with a tackle and Bam I was never in the big time again. Lucky it was a dream.
But as for this one Phil, who made the GF in the majors only to dog out not so very long ago has bounced back to a certain degree with solid 2000 scores, late in the season. Whilst John is, perhaps a genius? to find a spot for David Swallow in the midfield at this time of year, it will be either his saviour or his downfall. Never one to follow the leaders there. He is now qualified to wear the 1% patch on his leathers to indictate he is one of the one percent still playing David Swallow, at least I think that is what it’s for.
To my memory One Team Wonders, A formation club, has a mantle piece at home just waiting for some silverware to show off, He has won this before although that is folk lore past down by word of mouth because no one keeps records for this crap but I think he has.
Looking at the Matchup we find that the current reigning Pool Maintainer holder is probably going to have to make one or two changes to his team because of injuries, I don’t think he has shown any propensity over the journey to understand why. This worries me. On the other hand John is among the 1%. The difference is that One Team Wonders has been here before.Where ever here is.
We are going with the algorithm on this one and predicting a win to One Team Wonders by a margin of 40 points and Phil, enjoy the off season.
Coaches, the latest ‘Power 8‘ as at 19 May 2022
1. Close Talker +12
2. No Passengers -1
3. Boogie Wonderland +4
4. Bromley Boys +3
5. BRAMZ United -2
6. AngryPenguin -1
7. JARGAN +2
8. The Gold -5
The big winner for the week is Birthday boy Close Talker moving up 12 places, if you don’t mind, The Gold almost plummeted out of the eight. No almost about it for Done and Dusted and B’s boys once again reinforcing the stereotype that it’s a long season for the girls. I mean you know, concentration and stuff.
As for the performance of the week you can’t really go past JARGAN defeating The Gold, Two old stagers still dooking it out in their twilight years.
Usain Casbolt is considered unlucky not to be ‘In’ according to some experts but hey it’s the algorithm that weighs certain attributes more highly than others. I’m more concerned about how the Big Shed got through rather than who was left out
This week we have the Pool Maintainers Clash IV between Ian and Phil The trophy is currently held by Phil and the only piece of Silver Wear in his trophy Cabinet.
As for the remaining clashes we have the Match of the Round
The Gold Vs Done and Dustin 4th V 6th
Winning form is good form don’t you think? Dave coming off a loss to HoF’r JARGAN and Done and Dustin hanging in there against new franchise Sydney or the Bush by 8 points. Eight bloody points…… Anyway it’s all forgotten now, water under the bridge as they say. We are going for Dallas in a close one, mainly because we don’t pick Dave. (No Offence), Dallas by 22
Other games are:
One Team Wonders V Sydney or the Bush
Neither of these two are setting the world on fire, completely underwhelming to be honest.Of interest in this clash is that one of these two will have to find the courage to do it all again next week. It can’ be easy. John to win by 50 plus points.
Bromley Boys V JARGAN 16 V 2. I asked my fitness instructor if she could teach me how to do the splits, ‘That depends’, she said, ‘How flexible are you?’. I said ‘I can’t do Wednesdays’. JARGAN by 100
Crazy Joe Devola V Close Talker 11 V 8.
Pool Maintainer Clash IV The annual clash between our two Poolmen. Good luck if you need your pool cleaned this weekend as all poolmen south of the Murray have been given the day off for this one. It should live up to the hype and will determine which one of the two might play proper finals. Phil has drawn Lane 4 in this one which is the lane reserved for the defending champ. Ian on the other hand sometimes goes rogue and allows nerves to determine his fate. We are going for Crazy Joe in this one as Close talker will more than likely miss the start again. Phil by 24 points.
B’s Boys V No Passengers 7 V 1
Bianca is having a great season and is finally getting over her reliance on West Coast players, Thank goodness for that. No one wanted to tell her, however this is May and Steve does not get beaten in May.No Passengers by 50 points.
Amalfi Warriors V Angry Penguin 14 V 15.We could have got a broadcast deal except the network wouldn’t televise this one. Think we know who coached Dean’s team last year, well we don’t know specifically but we know who didn’t, That would be you Shed. Frank on the other hand, a genuine nice guy in this competition, has had a win, he knows what it’s like to go in as favourite and we think for him this will add to his percentage. Warrior by 220 points.
Usain Casbolt V Boogie Wonderland.Battle of the young turks this is probably a vision of the future of this competition, I mean just last year Jarryd was running around the park with the ‘Dud Brothers’ 18 like a chook with his head cut off, now he is a feared coach firmly ensconced in the top tier, Luke likewise is on an even bigger roll. It’s like the old days of the ‘Penthouse Club’ on Channel 7 with Mike Williamson and Mary Hardy. You just had to watch. We are going for Luke in this one but with no confidence really, a handful of points each of two.
BRAMZ United V Black HatsThree weeks ago this would have been a classic, required viewing if you will, but Ash may well have commenced his decline earlier than even I some had predicted. What then of Black Hats(Thankyou for your service) seemingly a regular top 8 coach of late, pulling the strings , making changes and we don’t say this often, Dominating the Dojo . This is master and apprentice stuff right here. Has Bramz bamboozelled even himself ? We want Ash on that Wall. No! We need Ash On that Wall! so with his back to the wall we thing he can touch his toes. Yes Ashley to win but it will be close 12 pointsThings looking good for recognising JARGANS contribution to this competition with his third HoF entry. You can still vote up to and including 22 May.
The Poolman graduates
Well it has been a while coming but the apprentice snatched the pebble from the hand of the master on Saturday to finally complete his training at the JARGAN Institute.Well done Poolman. Not many people confront their teacher on the field of battle such as the Oberon League and live to tell the tale. Phil you may now use the post nominal Grad JSDTF.As for this week,
the Match of the round will be1st V 2nd The Gold V No Passengers.This could well be a shoot out on Saturday. The Gold back on top and No Passengers, for Steve he seems as usual to be playing ‘bogey golf’ but still somehow winning. It’s an anomaly really, Sort of like Dean making the last dance in 2021 and starting 2022 by going 0-6 .Some say this may well be a preview of the last Saturday in August? Others that this could be another week where Steve performs like Leon Davis in May? We don’t know. No Passengers out scored the Gold by @ 14 points last week. That and coupled with the fact that we don’t tip Dave we have to go with Steve by about 20 points in this one.
Other matches this week include (Our selections in bold)Bramz V Amalfi Warriors Frank is due. I believe in turns.B’s Boys V Usain Casbolt WWLWW V WLWLW Both are due for an ‘L’ statistically speaking. Can’t split em
Close Talker V Black Hats This will be a good one, Keegan thinks he will win, that’s how he rolls. Computer says Ian.
Bromley Boys V Boogie Wonderland If Jarryd can’t post a ‘W’ in this one he never will. Time to kick off the ‘Dud’ Brother tag mate.
One Team Wonders V Angry Penguin Looking forward to Dean’s auto biography ‘Rooster to Feather Duster..The Angry Penguin Story’….. Netflix have the screen rights.
Done and Dustin V Crazy Joe Devola 4th V 5th Could well have been the match of the round on another week. Want to pick Dallas, But Phil has taken it to a new level beating JARGAN is good form. NEXT.
Sydney or the Bush V JARGAN These two have a history, Wayne is cocky and should be, Turning out super coaches from his academy like he was born to do it, history will judge him kindly.
It seems from our last Poll that you think that there is still a chance for some of you outside the 8 to play major Finals, Can’t see it myself.This weeks poll?Should JARGAN’S work with his foundation lead to his third HoF entry?Vote here WWW.oberonleague.com
Good luck this week
Well, The fans have voted, and rightly in our opinion. The Big Shed or what ever you like to refer to him as has been questioned viz-a-viz his results from last year. This year will be the proof in the pudding as to whether his 2021 results should forever be notated with an asterisk or not.
As for Round One commencing on Thursday night the Gods have dished up one of the great first rounds in O League History.
Match of the Round
BRAMZ United against Done and Dustin, Dallas’ first Match of the round lets hope she doesn’t find it too ‘Hot in the Kitchen’ so to speak.
JARGAN V One Team Wonders This reminds me of when Brock Lesnar was was pitted against one legged wrestler Zach Gowen at survivor series 2003. Brock ignored the towel being thrown in by Zack’s mother and punished Zach even more than he had too, It was unnecessary.
Crazy Joe Devola V Bromley Boys We are refraining from picking winners this week because everyone still has a mathematical chance to make the eight, in this case they will have to use some mighty complex equations.
Sydney or the Bush V The Gold New Franchise up against a Hall of Famer, albeit one on the other side of the bell curve if you get me drift.
No Passengers V Close Talker Both these teams go well early one will make the eight and one will shape the eight.
The Angry Penguin V B’s Boys Phew one relies on hard work and disciple, the other doesn’t know he is in this competition.
Boogie Wonderland V Amalfi Warrior One is current captain coach of the 2021 Dud brothers team and the other is beloved of the masses
Black Hats V Usain Casbolt One a defending carry over champion and one who is pushing for selection in the Dud Brother 18.
Good luck to all coaches and may your conscience be your guide
New Poll is up. “Can Black Hats go Back to Back” vote here, Oberonleague.com
THE CALL OF THE CARD 2022
Once again the money men have got together at the ‘Fabulous’ Perger Room to set the market for the 2022 OberonLeague Dream Team Season. There were a few surprises and there may be a bit of value around for those in the know.
THE GREAT RESET
Welcome to the new season Coaches, get your teams sorted now, and remember it is still mathematically possible for the Amalfi Warrior to make the eight……..
OBERON LEAGUE 2021 BABY!
OBERON LEAGUE BY THE NUMBERS
Traditional Grand Final Review.
Ladies and Gentlemen Boys and Girls, it is a pleasure to welcome you to our now traditional preview to the biggest day on our footy Calendar, the Oberon League Grand Final.
The Committee would firstly like to sincerely thank all of our coaches for making it a great year, and a reminder that if you haven’t yet paid your $20 subscription by now please contact Wayne for his banking details.
This year will, in the words of Franklin Roosevelt, ‘Live in infamy’ for many reasons, The first being The Angry Penguins break through to the top echelon, but there will always be an asterisk after his name. A bit like that Irish swimmer Michelle Smith at the Atlanta Olympics, three Gold one Bronze and a lifetime ban. Lets hope Dean is clean (don’t forget be the first in your section to own your green neoprene wrist band with the words ‘Cheat to Win’ , proceeds going to Deans favourite charity. The Human Fund. ( available on the web site soon)
Of note also is Gold going out early, yes you heard that right, and hall of fame aspirant BRAMZ United, leading for a good portion of the year only to fail in August. Franco failing once again (Nobody deserves success in this thing of ours more than him)
JARGAN seemingly getting his MOJO back, Jarryd cementing his position as vice captain of the 2021 ‘Dud Brothers’ team and new Franchise ‘Done and Dusted’ slinging some mud indicating that 2022 maybe the year when the ‘Be Nice to Dallas’ embargo is lifted by the committee.
Noteworthy also is The Black Hats first Grand Final appearance, Close Talkers ‘annal horribilis’ where he continues to refuse to pick established Ruckmen, and B’s Boys at last giving it a red hot go. So I hope we all see you at the Oberon Room, cubicle one, level two, Victoria Barracks for the presentation night featuring the dulcet tones of the ‘Voice of the Oberon League’, Smooth Wayne Pollock. Date TBA
GRAND FINAL 2021 – PATCHES O’HOULHAN TROPHY
Is there a better time of the year than Grand Final weekend, all the preliminary matches have been completed and we are left with the two best sides of the 2021 season. We must acknowledge the vanquished from last week the Gold and the Angry Penguin, to both sides I say well played and we look forward to seeing you back on the field of battle next year. We at HQ are never ones to make it about us but we did tip both the winners in last week’s matches despite some loud protests from the Puppet Coach*. It what can only be described as a tirade unparalleled in the history of the O League the Puppet Coach* took aim at all of the O League establishment heralding himself as the future of the competition, including some unsavourily comments directed at No Passengers, oh dear! The Puppet Coach* then proceeded to completely meltdown with what can only be described as one of the biggest chokes in League history to be bundled out of the finals by O League HOF member No Passengers who it has to be said stayed classy throughout this decidedly unfortunate behaviour from the Penguin. Look in the dictionary and you will see a picture of the Puppet Coach* next to the word Stosur. On a lighter note now that Dean has been eliminated he is free to perform in the pre-game entertainment where he and Bramz will reprise their much requested Spice Girls tribute, I for one can’t wait for that one, there probably won’t be a dry eye in the stadium, a bit like Andrew Gaze after the Boomers Bronze medal at the Olympics.
Black Hats v No Passengers – Grand Final. This is a clash of coaching styles where the old guard meets the new generation of coaches. The Black Hats are on a an 11 and 0 run and have taken all before them as they drive for a first premiership. They have been innovators this season and have been prepared to go outside of the norm to get an edge on their rivals, they were the first team to have Touk Miller (who has a player with a first name of Touk) and then they teamed him with Jack Steele (we all know the problems that caused the Puppet Coach*, when he bought in Steel, but enough of that car crash). The Hats have served their apprenticeship having studied and mastered the riddles of break evens, cash cows and the time honoured Vice Captain loophole, he has even lost a Grand Final, something the old timers say is a requirement to win a flag. But the O League gives nothing away, particularly a premiership they must earned in the furnace of competition. We all saw graphically what happens to those who aren’t prepared when the Puppet Coach* disintegrated before our eyes last week. But what of No Passengers have they been to the top of the mountain in beating the heavily favoured Angry Penguin last week or have they got more to give, some say Steve is in career best form and we know this wily veteran knows a thing or two about coaching, 2 premierships and a HOF title proves that. Could a 3rd premiership unlock the Leagues first Legend appointee? That was unthinkable when No Passenger lost 4 of his last 5 to limp into the top 8 but in a remarkable turnaround Steve is now staring down what could be his finest achievement, he will follow his tried and true routine and take the Datsun 180 B SSS out for a spin pre-game and look to inspire his team for one last effort, you don’t win 5 most boring coach of the year titles by changing things up now. In what is shaping up as a classic Grand Final we expect the Black Hats to prevail and win their first premiership by 45 points.
GRAND FINAL 2021 – JUNK FINALS So it’s left to me wrap up this crap again. I remember the late Bruce Andrew on World of Sport back in the seventies, while everyone around him was getting Richmond V Carlton or Collingwood V Essendon to review on Sunday mornings, he was continually getting South Melbourne V Fitzroy at the lake oval. But did he complain? Never, because he knew his place. What if this is as good as it gets for me? What if this is ‘My Place’?At this time we have to say commiserations to ‘Close Talker’ who played as if he was trying for high draft picks next year in going down to ‘Done and Dustin’, Gotta tell you Ian, there are no drafts in this league and Usain Casbolt who lost a very close one to last years Grand Final coach Puffy Shirt. Suggest both of you gentlemen have a good hard look at yourselves over the pre-season. If you have nothing better to do this weekend I guess you do worse than watch this match.
Done and Dustin V Puffy Shirt. Well we are left with the top two from the bottom eight in this meaningless activity, having trouble actually calling this a final to be honest but then again I have always had low expectations. On the one hand we have last years Premier League Grand Finalist and current pool maintainer trophy holder the Puffy Shirt, a man who never really looked comfortable in the company of the likes of BRAMZ United, Jargan or No Passengers anyway but somehow bluffed his way through to the big dance. Now kicking the dew off oval in the two’s, against certain winner of ‘The Malcho’ for best first year coach for 2021 Done and Dustin in her first year as senior coach. Interesting that she has rocketed into 3rd position in the famous Pollock stable, she may very well be the best out of all of them one day.
Now to the game. Every time I speak to Phil I feel like I am coming away with less brain cells than I started with, they must be going somewhere because Puffy Shirt isn’t getting any smarter, au contraire, with this week being split across multiple days we feel that the ‘Captains Gambit’ may come into play, and Puffy has not given us any confidence, any at all, that he understands the move. Dallas on the other hand is learning faster than it takes for a defence contractor to say, ‘But we didn’t quote for that!’ that’s right she has played the system to such an extent that she is not just calling opposition coaches out but also outscoring all teams in the competition, If we were playing each other twice she may even have been up against Black Hats in the real Grand Final.This game is tough to call, Phil has his pride at stake, a JARGAN graduate and Premier League Grand Finalist, admittedly he put up as much opposition as the Afghani defence force, but still experience matters and Done and Dustin is up against football history that says, ‘you first have to lose a grand final before you win one’, in this case we think that GF nerves may play a part and Phil may just get over in this match, Like Prince Andrew he doesn’t sweat, and part of that reason is that he is not fully aware of his circumstances at any given time. Yes, although Done and Dustin is favourite with the Computer and almost any other person you ask, we think the paddle will be on it’s way to Hastings on the Mornington Penninsula to the tune of oh….40pts? One thing for sure we will all have forgotten about it by Monday.
Annual O League Mid-Season Review
Three wins and seven losses at the half way point does not inspire confidence in the fan favourite and foundation coach Frank. He has in the past coached his best before the break and one could, I suppose, make a case for him to make the eight with an easy run home. The computer is giving him an 80% chance of winning 60% of his final 5 games following the break. Those are the sort of odds that may very well enable the five time Mussolini medalist to prove this correspondent wrong. However I have an image in my head of what Italians do to failed Leaders, Lets hope he can rally. Prediction – No Higher than 8th. Make or Break Game Round 15 V The real Kick it to Goodes
|B’s Boys||Solid B +|
Bianca has had a great start to the year losing only to BRAMZ United and Hall of Famer The Gold whilst at the same time defeating JARGAN, a first? and also last years Grand Finalist Puffy Shirt. I must admit we never saw this coming during the pre season. Bianca, it must be said, sticks to her processes, She is like a Chinese farmer, She works all day in the field digging and plowing and when she goes home she eats her lunch, with chop sticks!. AND, she’s seen the shovel! That’s commitment right there Prediction – No Lower than fifth. Make or Break game Round 16 V The Real Kick it to Goodes.
A five game winning streak and firmly ensconced in the top 8 has Keegan eyeing off the grand prize as possibly the only Pollock with a fair dinkum shot at it this year. Started off by losing to new franchisee Done and Dustin in round two before a win over JARGAN kick started his season in round four. He hasn’t looked back since. He is racking them up like Trevor Barker at the Tunnel Night Club in the 1970’s. Still to come in round 16 is the clash of the co-tenants and then a ball burster against The real Kick it to Goodes which should determine how far he could go this year. Prediction – No Lower than sixth. Make or Break game Round 17 V No Passengers.
Some would say this mark is a bit harsh for a coach with Hall of Fame aspirations at the halfway mark of the season. Well Ash is a special case. Architect of the ‘Perfect Season’ back in the day, albeit when the O league was a far lesser competition than it is now. I can liken it to Mathew Hayden sitting on top of the great Sir Donald Bradman in the Australian Highest Score list with 380 against part timers Zimbabwe on a flat wicket in Perth. Not really the same as JARGAN going back to back in the post Gold era is it. We would love to see him break through here with his only loss this year being to The Real Kick it to Goodes. Now you could have got 20-1 on that result in January.
Prediction – No Lower than third. Make or Break game Round 15 V The Angry Penguin
|Done and Dustin||C-|
New coach, new season, we have seen this before, Puffy Shirt, Close Talker, Usain Casbolt, all have shown promise but have dropped away in season 2, all except Phil who last year was like an artificially inseminated cow, he knew something wonderful was happening, just not quite sure how. Now without his mentor JARGAN he is back in the pack. Dallas started with wins over Black Hats, who must have been struggling to adjust to civilian life at that stage, (Thank you for your service), and a 4 point win over K.I.T.G but has since struggled. We are still under a caveat from the older Pollock to to take it easy on her in her first year, so we will be kind and highlight the fact that she is far and away not the worst Pollock family coach in this competition, errr that would be you Jarryd. Prediction – No Lower than 10th. Make or Break game Round 17 V Puffy Shirt
He’s back Baby! After a Anus Horribilus last year the Hall of Fame coach has worked his way back into contention with a 7 – 3 W/L ratio at the break. I am reminded of his words last year when he said “Ben, there are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no Old, Bold pilots.” wise words indeed. Still gives me chills to be honest. To what then do we owe this turn around? Either way it’s good for football to have him back in contention. We thought something was brewing when he beat last years grand finalist Puffy Shirt in round three and then managed to defeat popular Amalfi Warrior the week following.Yes he was coming back. Now he is in the mix with Steve, Keegan and Ben , all on 7 wins dooking it out for the double chance, a delicious prospect isn’t it Dennis? Prediction – No Lower than 5th. Make or Break games Round 16, 17, 18 V The Angry Penguin, BRAMZ and No Passengers, Wowee haven’t seen a better run home than this since Kiwi in the ‘93 Melbourne Cup
A solid C for Hall of Fame coach No Passengers. Some would say a bit harsh for a coach sitting in 4th position at the break, but we like to judge on the expectations at the start of the season. Good judges had him in the top 2 in February, so this must be a disappointment for the board. I mean when you have no fans you have to WIN games of football. Historically Steve needs to be in the top two at the end of the year to allow the Gold to beat him in the big dance come that last Saturday in August, and with the Gold struggling this could have, and may yet still be his year. We at HQ still rate him as possibly the best ever pre-Gold era coach and with the possibility of Dave missing this year he has to be a favourite. Prediction – No Lower than 3rd. Make or Break game Round 18 V JARGAN
|One Team Wonders||C+|
John is a paradox wrapped inside a conundrum, After defeating No Passengers in the first game he then lost to Puffy Shirt after posting a score in the mid 1500s, What is that? It’s similar to someone like, lets say, Ian Baker Finch winning a British Open and then never wining another tournament. Logic states that that is impossible right?. Apart from losing to grand finalist Puffy Shirt, John has had a fairly solid year really and an improvement on his last two seasons. He has lost to some pretty good coaches by super narrow margins and is now just three games and percentage outside the top eight, admittedly he needs a few results to go his way, but Ringo ended up with Playboy Model Barbara Bach while Paul married Lind Eastman, so anything can happen right? Prediction – No Lower than 10th . Make or break game Round 19 V JARGAN
We have seen quicker dives than this. Sonny Liston Vs Muhammad Ali II in 1965 comes to mind but we are not used to seeing it in the O league. Not this century anyway. I did use another analogy once last year about going down fairly quickly but I heard from JARGANs lawyers the very next day. So where does this leave Phil? Promised so much, but delivers so little. Like a Defence contract perhaps?
The Puffy Shirt, who went within a breath of winning the whole enchalada last year and captured the hearts of kids everywhere may have to pre qualify for 2022. The only ‘E’ on this list. So I guess ‘owning’ the Gold doesn’t really mean as much as it used to. Prediction – No higher than 12th . Make or break game Round 16 V The Close Talker (Country Cup)
|The Angry Penguin||B++|
Probably the highest score that can be given to a coach who really has shown absolutely zero understanding of the coaching process in the past. As Susie O’Neil famously said about rival Claudia Poll from Costa Rica, ‘She’s always been a bit suss. I’m surprised she got caught … but it doesn’t surprise me that she was taking some sort of steroid.” So until The Penguin can prove in front of witnesses that this is his own work he will forever have and asterisk against his name for season 2021. Still he scored 2028 in his only loss to B’s Boys which is a fargin good score to lose a match in this day and age. Prediction – 8th . Make or break game Round 18 V The Gold
|The Bromley Boys||D|
What can we say about Michael, one win over newest coach Done and Dustin and a low in the 1300s against lock down king Puffy Shirt, is not a great start to the season by any stretch of the imagination. We think that Michael was lacking situational awareness coming into this season, he thought it would just happen. Like the guy who keeps his pale green Safari Suit on a hanger in the cupboard believing that it will come back in fashion he just didn’t read the crowd. We think that the Bromley Boys would benefit by a couple of seasons with The JARGAN Foundation Development Squad to freshen up before 2022. Prediction – No higher than 10th . Make or break game The next one
|The Close Talker||D|
Four and Six, sounds like pre-decimal currency money doesn’t it. Unfortunately for Ian however it is not. Having trouble beating people above him on the ladder while at the same time scoring well enough and just falling short in the big games. He reminds me of my Dads words to me after seeing my report card at the end of year 10. “Ben you let me down, you let your Mother down, but most of all……..” well you know how it goes. So I say to Ian “Ian you let Phil down….…” What can he do now in order to redeem his reputation after such a promising season in 2019? We think, maybe more spanners at training? Maybe Deans approach and pay someone else to set up your team? Or maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, write your passwords in a Vana exercise book like the rest of us so you don’t get locked out. Prediction – No lower than 11th . Make or break game Round 19 The Simpsons
A final season without Dave is like that ‘Bourne Identity’ movie without Matt Damon, It was like kissing your sister, or so I’ve been told, It’s like visiting a massage parlour and only being offered a massage, It’s like losing a spot in the O League GF in 2017 in an after the siren re-fresh. These disappointment stay with you, I mean forgive and forget right? But you really never forget, or forgive. This is the first time since the pre-Gold era that Dave may not be playing in August. It’s just not the same. Has the Oberon League left the Gold behind ? Or is Dave just playing for draft picks, you know like the infamous Kreuzer Cup of 2012. I gotta tell you Dave There are no draft picks in Oberon League Dream Team Football. If the Gold can hold on to his current position he will have to be the first coach to win it from 8th. And if he does I will cut JARGANS lawn with a pair of nail cutters. Prediction – No Higher than 8th. Make or break game Round 19 The Angry Penguin
|Kick it to Goodes||B+|
JARGAN, Tick. No Passengers, Tick. Gold, Tick. Ben is racking them up and knocking em down. We would back him to spare a 7- 10 split at the moment. But we have seen this before. Performing against the big dogs but losing to Done and Dustin, (No Offence Dallas), Whilst Benny freely admits he has only a few good years left he is having a good one. Can he go one better that 2017? Does he have the temperament for finals O league football or will fate intervene once again like Lucy and pull that damn ball away. All you young coaches, ask your Mum and Dads. We think he will screw it up as is his nature, reverting to type if you will. I’m afraid he is destined to mediocrity. Prediction – No Higher than 5th. Make or break game Round 19 No Passengers
14th at the turn with two wins and 8 losses. A monty to captain the Dud Brothers team at this years Rubbish finals curtain raiser. Im trying to be positive here so I can positively say that were it not for that that everyone plays finals in this competition then he wouldn’t probably be playing finals at all. For a young man who sits at the same table as the CEO of the JARGAN foundation to have such a bad season surely must indicate there is a communication issue there. Anyway I guess he has a chance to dominate the minor dojo come August. On the bright side of the coin he confidently claim to be only 1 degree of separation from the O league hall of fame. Prediction – No Higher than 12th. Make or break game Round 16 Black Hats, Set the video tape
There is something to be said for being in a position to help ‘Shape the Eight’ if you will, and young Luke is that fortunate position. He may not play division one finals this year but he is scoring well enough to give some of the aspirational coaches some sleepless nights. His round 17 matchup with The Gold provides a mouth watering prospect. One game separates these two and Usain is scoring within a small margin of error the same points as Dave. We are looking forward to this one. Good luck Luke you can still make your mark, worst case the back pocket in the team for Dud Brothers is a pretty good consolation prize. Prediction – No Higher than 8th. Make or break game Round 17 The Gold
Well what a weekend that was. We had Angry Penguin record the highest score in the league against The Simpsons. In fact he beat the top ranked coach in the entire competition by a lazy 25 points. In the Match of the Round.
No Passengers accounted for The Gold by around 80 points which of course is to be expected in April.
KITG lost by 4 points to new comer Done and Dustin, and in a shellacking Close Talker beat The Bromley Boys by 680 points, a new league record.
Other winners were Puffy Shirt over One Team Wonders, JARGAN over crowd favourite the Amalfi Warrior, Tees and greens there. BRAMz United over B’s Boys in an upset and Black Hats over the young Usain Casbolt.
This week (Our selections in Bold)
Match of the round is:
Black Hats V (And this is the first time I have been able to say this) an in-form Angry Penguin
No Passengers (3) V Close Talker (9)
The Gold (10) V Puffy Shirt (12)
One Team Wonders (13) V Amalfi Warrior (15)
Bromley Boys (18) V Done and Dustin (7)
K.I.T.G (5) V Usain Casbolt (11)
JARGAN (4) V B’s Boys (2)
BRAMZ United (1) V The Simpsons (14)
Fact Check. BRAMZ United are now into their seconds week in the number one position.
Also at www.oberonleague.com the latest Poll is up for seven more days. What should we call the trophy to be awarded to the annual Angry Penguin V The Simpsons game.
Welcome to our new Coach Done and Dustin for season 2021. Don’t be put off by the Angry Penguin. He is all mouth…..
Well………here we go again, a new season of AFL DT Oberon League Football.Welcome to our coaches once again and welcome back The GOLD who seems to defy the odds, and father time, in setting the standard, I didn’t vote for him myself, but that’s water under the bridge now, all forgotten, live and let live, forgive and forget hey? Well pretend we have anyway.
Our code for this year is 7F9YJH55, a help line has been set up for Dean and it can be reached via 1300 ASKBAILEY.
Lets predict what may unfold in 2021, for the time capsule.
Let’s start with the Gold, long the benchmark at this level.
Came from nowhere this year and was able to peak at the right time, some what luckily for him he only had ‘Puffy Shirt’ in the big dance. Not great scores and in a lesser year would not have been worthy of a final in the junk finals. We think that based on our Laffer curve vis a vis performance predictability we see Dave continuing to score at a lesser rate. It may be a big year for those that can improve. Predicted Finish 3-9. “Off the Boil”
The new coach that really had a breakout year in 2020. Beat some heavy hitters on the way, now he has to follow up. A bit like Sister Margaret Mead trying to follow up her world wide hit “The Lords Prayer” back in the seventies. It’s a tough gig. BUT IT CAN BE DONE. We think that all he needed was a bit of confidence. The JARGAN Foundation has once again proven it’s worth and all that time and money has created a problem for the other coaches in the competition. Predicted Finish 1 – 5. “The New Sexy”
Black Hats (Thank you for your service).
The best performed coach internationally, by a fair way. But as we have said over and over it’s when you score the points that count. Sounds like he missed ‘tactics 101’ at Kapooka.
This year it might just be his year. Predicted Finish 1-4. “ONE TO WATCH”
2020 saw the start of the gradual sad decline of a legit Dream Team Legend. A bit on the boring side for my taste though to be honest. Really spent all his bullets in the last ½ of the last third of the Home and Away season and nothing left for the finals. Ranked in the top 8,000 on the international ranking chart where once he was top 10. I have been wanting to use this phrase for ten years, “Prefer Others”. Predicted finish 4 – 9th
The Real Kick it to Goodes
Captains win Matches. Handed the double chance to his brother, Like in his Public Service ‘Career’ he just seems to out of his depth at this level. But really, can anyone be out of their depth in the Public Service? Predicted finish 10 – 16th “Overwhelmed”
Once, ‘allegedly’ went through a season undefeated, well if he really did he would be in the Hall of Fame surely. Uncharacteristically had a shocker last year. Once considered to be a savant in this competition and must now change with the times. Predicted Finish 3 – 8th “Yesterdays Man”
Missed the Jump this year, was he doing too much? I mean getting Puffy Shirt to the big dance would suck the marrow out of anyone, it may have been too many balls in the air for the Champ.
With one week left he was still outside the top eight, but as he was quoted as saying, ‘Did you really thinks I wouldn’t make it? Really?’ Well we thought you were gone Wayne. With Philip off his hands he should find another 10% which should see him back in the mix. Predicted Finish 2 – 5th “Smooth”
Behind his back they refer to him as ‘The Dud Brother’ although he has shown promise in previous years. Imagine being able to pick the brains of Hall of Famer JARGAN, at the dinner table every night of the season. He should be further along in his development. But this IS the Oberon League. We think that this year is ‘Sydney or the Bush’ for this franchise. Predicted Finish 6 – 10th “Overdue”
Promised big things and has shown a clean pair of heels to many more senior coaches, but there are people out there, fond of conspiracy theories, who doubt that the young man even exists. These nuts claim that they are yet to see No Passengers and Usain Casbolt in the same room together and that this franchise is just there to assist Steve when required. A ‘Sleeper’ if you will. Books will be written and web pages will spring up but we may never know the truth. Much like JFK and Who shot JR really. Predicted Finish 7 – 14th. “Suspect”
Made way for JARGAN in the last round of the season, almost pre-ordained to happen that, willed into existence perhaps? Geeze talk about putting the cart in front of the horse! The young man from Wangaratta had already booked a coach class ticket to Melbourne for the finals. That cost him.
Would have been a perfect candidate for Wayne’s mentoring program but for the Chinese Virus.
Predicted finish 1 – 15th , oops I meant 11 -15th sorry about that. “Enigma”
What does one say about Bianca? Some say we need her in the competition to achieve our gender diversity quota, we dispute that we even need a quota because we even have an Italian coach as well. Well and truly DIVERSIFIED AF I would say. Predicted Finish 11 – 16th “Necessary”
If he logs on in time. Some say that he doesn’t really want to play finals football. We know that to be a fact. Sometimes when he wants to he can match it with the best, other times it’s almost as if his mind wanders and he has no clue. We wish the real Dean Herbert would stand up and take his place in the pantheon of O League coaches but he always disappoints. Predicted finish 9th “Time to man up”
One Team Wonders
Our South Australian franchise is like a shopping mall built in the 70’s, really needs to spruce, one could almost call him our very own P-76, for it’s time a quantum advance on everything else. But we really need him to embrace 2000 style football. For the good of footy we need John to step up this year and represent the city of churches. Predicted Finish 7 – 14th
The Amalfi Warrior.
Four time, that’s four time Mussolini Medalist and foundation member, ethnically diverse, swarthy, and, on his day, technically as good a coach as any other coloured coach we have ever had. We think that after last season being named as coach of the week for round 3 he is on the cusp, what ever that means of producing a ‘Special Season’ Predicted Finish 3 – 11th “An Idea who’s time has come”
Outside the Clique
Twenty one thousand positions below the ‘Warrior’, that says it all, 1,000 to one to make the eight, but that’s still a chance right? Yes, Clancy for on brief moment in time, showed us something two years ago, and surely class doesn’t leave you that quickly? We think the Covid had a bit to do with his fall from grace last year what with match timings changing so often and y’know tempo of war and stuff. We like to think that with a stable fixture this year Outside the clique may eventually find himself ‘inside the clique’ again. (See what I did there?) Predicted finish 10th – 15th “Mutual Support”
The Bromley Boys
Phew to say 2020 was a disappointment would be an understatement, and that’s an understatement.
Once a feared coach in this competition but of late coaching like the board has already implemented a succession plan for the team. Serves them right if he does a ‘Malthouse’ and wins the whole bloody thing this year. Can’t see it ourselves. Predicted finish 10th – 16th “C’MON!”