Meet the Coaches


He is ‘The Voice of DT Football!’

Available for Bar Mitzvahs, 21sts, Porn and Prawn, Beauty Contests and Deb Balls
Highlight “Send in the Clowns” 2015
Lowlight “Send in the Clowns” 2015
*Now, Once again Available to work with children.
Management: JARGAN Worldwide
Signed Autographs $10 order at

*(Vic and Qld only)


Current Champion
Black Hats generally refers to the bad guys in Western terms, but in this competition they are the heroes, (Thank you for your service)
Once again from the Pollock group Black hats is a heavy hitter making his mark in the top four.

Quote: “I didn’t see the Kia God i didn’t even feel it under the tracks….”
Feuding with The Simpsons, Bramz United, The Gold
Bunny: One Team Wonders
Awards O’Haulihan Trophy, 2400 Club
Predicted finish for 2022 1st – 4th


Former Triple Champion
Quote: “Why let history be my Judge Benny, I want my acknowledgement now.”
Has set new standards since coming into the competition, I didn’t vote for him myself but never the less.
Lost to Puffy Shirt in his Premiership season. Beyond comprehension that.
Feuding with Puffy Shirt, Black Hats, Jargan.
Bunny: No Passengers
Predicted 2022 finish 3rd-9th
O’Houlihan X 3
Star of Courage
2400 Club
2500 Club

The Angry Penguin

Multiple Paddle Winner,
Quote: “I want to dominate the DOJO”
Quote: ” Bailey, Whats my Password?”
No apparent desire to play Major Finals
Famous for trying to manipulate the draw in 2016 and
locking himself out of the website on numerous occasions
Feuding with Amalfi Warriors, B’s Boys, No Passengers, KITG, BRAMZ United, Puffy Shirt, JARGAN, One Team Wonders and International Dial-In
Bunny: K.I.T.G
Predicted Finish 2022; 2nd –9th
Previous awards:
Paddle X 3
Star of Courage

Close Talker

Newer Franchise who has dominated the coaches box of recent time.
Known for fiery temper
Good early starter.
Quote “Bloody Max bloody Gawn”
Likes : Max Gawn, Peter Ladhams
Famous for playing Peter Ladhams in the game that defined his season, the only other coach in Australia that had him in their team was a Mrs Ladhams from Norwood SA. Scored 18 points, Ironically it was the game that put Angry Penguin into the final.
Feuding with Jargan, Gold, Angry Penguin, Puffy Shirt, KITG, B’s Boys and Amalfi Warrior.
Bunny: the Simpsons
Would like to be known as the ‘Michael Malthouse’ of the Oberon League, he is angry enough.
2400 Club
Dummy Spit X 2
Predicted Finish 2022 4th – 12th
Currently Holder of the Dummy Spit


Dual Champion, Third inductee O League Hall of Fame
Quote, “They Mock what they don’t Understand”
Known for: The JARGAN Foundation
Feuding with Gold, No Passengers, One Team Wonders, BRAMZ United and Puffy Shirt.
Bunny: No Passengers
Would like to be known for: “Thats for history to decide Benny”
Had an Anal Horribilus last year and only just scraped into the finals. 2021 Could be a rebuilding year for the 2 time champ.
Predicted 2022 finish 1st – 8th
O’Houlihan Tropy X2
Hall of Fame
2300, 2400 Club

No Passengers

Perpetual Finalist
2nd HOF Inductee
Quote: “Easy on the boring stuff Benny”
Wants to be known as ‘The Competitions most exciting Coach”, Good Luck with that
Known for recent big game poor form.
Feuding with JARGAN, Gold, BRAMZ United Simpsons, Black Hats
Struggled in the big games in 2020
Bunny : BRAMZ United, Kick it to Goodes
Predicted Finish 2022 – Runner Up again
O’Houlihan Trophy X2
Hall of Fame
2300, 2400, 2500 Club


Quote, “This is easy, I just make it look hard”
Known for, that Perfect Season, having an award or two named after him.
Wants to be known: for not caring if he ever gets into the HoF. Famous Quote “I don’t want to be a member of an organisation that will have me as a member”
Feuding with: BRAMZ, thats right, his main enemy is himself.
Bunny: K.I.T.G
Projected 2022 Finish 4th
2300,2400 Club
O’Houlihan x1


Quote,“I’m dating a Virgin, I’m in this contest, somethings gotta give Benny!”
Known for: Defeating the Gold in his Premiership season 2019.
JARGAN Foundation Scholarship nominee 2020
Feuding with Angry Penguin, Jargan, One Team Wonders B’s Boys, KITG
Bunny: GOLD

Great 2020 for the new coach, Not such a good August


Star of Courage 2019

Predicted 2022 finish: 5th – 14th


Three time Mussolini Medalist
Known for Starting Quickly and fading just as quickly.
Founding member
Known for pulling off a big upset once every yearQuote: “I’m seeing the Ball OK, I just cant seem to catch it”
Stalwart in the bottom 8
Feuding with the Angry (The Russian) Penguin, Mick (KITG) Gatto, and No (Benji) Passengers
Bunny: Carl (Puffy Shirt) Williams
Predicted finish 2022 4th – 10th

The Simpsons

Disappointing 2021 The Simpsons are one of the new powerhouses in the league, whilst others are content dominating the lower levels, this team takes on the big boys week after week.
Known for being part of the Pollock stable. feuding with JARGAN the Black Hats No Passengers and JARGAN, No easy beats there. Well, one.
Bunny: BRAMZ United
Quote: “I feel like Dick Johnson, just when I feel I am on a roll, some one throws a rock onto the track…”
Predicted Finish for 2022 7th – 12th

Usain Casbolt

Expected to be in a position to ‘Shape the eight’ this year. New franchise entering the furnace known as Oberon Dream Team Football for the very first time in 2020.
Quote: There’s a Penguin?
Big boots to fill as his sibling took out the title three years ago.
Feuding with: Angry Penguin, The Simpsons

Interestingly had to deny, via e-mail, that he was simply No Passengers 2nd team.
Bunny: Angry Penguin

Predicted 2022 Finish: 6th – 16th

Awards Nil

Done and Dustin

Won the Paddle in her first year, what ever that is. Now sophomore coach of whom we should expect improvement. Must be wary of the second year Blues, Just ask The Close Talker, and Puffy Shirt
She is in a good stable so to speak and if she can make the eight she should be happy with that. I mean it’s a long season for the girls.

Currently feuding with The Angry Penguin, the Simpsons and the Amalfi Warrior.

Bunny is former franchise K.I.T.G

Expected finish for 2022 8th – 12th

Awards: Paddle

Sydney or the Bush (they/them)

New franchise from ‘Parts Unknown’ Completely new coach with a refreshing outlook about what they would consider to be a successful season. In a statement made to HQ they said, Rackem up Benny, let the cards fall where they may and stupid shit like that. I don’t know whatelse they said, wasn’t listening.

Predicted Finish for 2022 16th


8 thoughts on “Meet the Coaches

  1. Are there no female coaches in your little competition? Another example of the Patriachy and male privelidge.
    You all disgust me.

    1. You will notice that we are ticking the boxes of late. Currently we have a female coach but also a they/them pronoun coach, We are a competition with a high moral, ethical and cultural history.
      So stick that up your arse.

    1. Not meant to be funny Gary, we are acknowledged world wide as the most female friendly Dream Team competition in Australia.
      They haven’t had to bring a plate since 2018 and currently are allowed to win many of the awards.

    1. You will require a searchlight and a particularly Dark Night.
      To my knowledge ‘Smooth’ Wayne lives on the outside of
      what you and I would call ‘normal’ . Make sure of course
      that your audience is age appropriate, or if not be prepared
      to be asked questions in a court of Law.

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